I realize that I am not the only one who was transitioned from a full-time worker to a stay at home parent. To be honest, before I was a mother, if anyone ever asked me if I wanted to be a stay at home parent, I probably would have said “no way in hell”. Some days I still feel like that.
I was in the highest position that I could get to in my department at my previous job. After all, I was there for 9 years. I was one of the top people that would always have the answer. I knew this job backward, forward, and with my eyes closed.
Then I got pregnant. The idea of only having 6 weeks with my brand new baby was wearing on me (and my husband) very heavily. The closer I got to having the baby, the more time I decided I was going to take off. My job allowed you to take 1 year off with only 6 weeks paid. My initial plan was to take 6 months off and revisit the idea of daycare. 6 months came and went but we still weren’t comfortable sending our precious, brand new daughter to be taken care of by some stranger.
The amount of daycare horror stories you actually hear about were enough to make up our minds. I would become a full-time stay at home parent. We made the decision that we will again, revisit the idea of daycare, when our daughter is old enough to tell us what is going on.
With that being said, here I am. Someone who was validated daily by the needs of a company and coworkers, now left feeling sometimes inadequate, wondering if I’m doing it all right. Am I doing enough? Does my husband still see me as the independent woman I once was? Did I make the right decision for me?
I take my daughter to 2 free classes a week for socialization and learning. We read at least 30 minutes every day. We do flash cards and coloring, go on outings (Target, park, play dates)… I am never caught up on laundry and I don’t always get to clean, but my daughter’s and husband’s needs stay met. I’d say I am staying afloat.
I am 100% positive that I do not want my baby being raised by someone else. I love being with her every day, teaching her, watching her develop and grow. I love taking care of my husband. I know I made the right decision in that aspect. Even if that leaves me wondering about my own worth.