Stop judging other moms | We’re all on the same team

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judging

 

I recently replied to a comment on a Facebook group about car seat position. Rear or forward facing.

The reason I commented to begin with, is because I am 100% confident in my decision, and there are so many mom bullies out there that are so quick to jump all over someone.

Case in point:

 

 

 

 

I have read all the same articles about car seat safety that everyone else has. Rear facing until 2 years of age, some even say 4 years of age. I was thinking I was in the know, like everyone else. Until my then 12 month old daughter started vomiting for no reason in the truck while we were driving. I heard her cough. I didn’t know she was vomiting. I had one of those mirrors to see her but let’s face it, you can’t glance in your rear view mirror into another mirror and process what is going on quickly enough while driving down the road. When we got to our destination I saw that she’d thrown up all over the place. Poor thing! We got cleaned up an did our thing and headed for home when again, she started throwing up. This time I also only heard a cough but was in an area where I was able to pull over and check on her.

I was thinking maybe she had a stomach bug and was happy we had a well visit scheduled for the next day. On our way to the pedi she again, vomited. No other times… Not at home, not in the store, or the park. In the vehicle.

I talked to her pediatrician and made her check for a stomach bug. When she didn’t detect any kind of bug, she asked me where in the vehicle does my daughter sit. I told her she was rear facing in the middle row on the passenger side (we have captain seats in the middle row).

Then she told me it was motion sickness and recommended I turn her forward facing. I started to argue and said “but I thought she has to be 2…” She told me it was not REQUIRED, it was only RECOMMENDED that they rear face until 2 years old. BUT if rear facing is affecting your child, as long as they are 12 months and 21 lbs it is safe to turn forward facing.

Reluctantly, I did. I turned my 1 year old forward facing. She stopped throwing up. We did what was best for us, and that is that.

 

I’m not writing this to change anyone’s mind about which way to face their child.

 

I am writing to say knock the shit off. All of it. Not just about car seats, but about anything that anyone does differently than you. You really should have so many other things to worry about. Your own life, for example.

 

Stop attacking other moms. WE’VE ALL READ THE ARTICLES.

As mothers, we need to go with our gut and do what is right for our own. Our job as mothers is to raise our own children. Do what works for us.

Regardless of what the mom next door says. It is so easy to tell someone they are wrong over the Internet. When we were kids, there were far less safety restrictions/advice/requirements and guess what, we are still here.

Here are some things that I do not do:

I don’t send my child to daycare

I don’t give my child formula

I don’t give my child McDonald’s or order the pizza/chicken nuggets/macaroni and cheese kids menu items at restaurants

Just because I don’t do these things, doesn’t make you wrong if you do them. And if you do or don’t, it has nothing to do with me and my life.

Let people make their own decisions, and bug off.

Why I need my mom groups

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Not long after becoming a new mom, one of my best friends said something that stayed with me. She and all of my bests, have their own kids. Older kids… She had called to shoot the shit, and update me on her life, and then see how I was doing. By the end of our conversation she blurted it out. “You know I love you… But, you know, been there done that”.

I did not take offense to this whatsoever. I supply my friends with brutal honesty and I expect nothing less in return. It was then I realized, I need some new mom friends.

Nobody can replace my best friends. My four quarters. But I realize that it’s been some time since they have dealt with the things a brand new mom is dealing with. Not only can it be annoying having to answer questions of things they’ve already conquered, but a lot of things they just can’t remember. So I have my friends wracking their brains each time we talk. Not fair to them. Plus, it’s not all about me and my baby.

I searched for some local mom groups and found several on Facebook that I became a part of. I LOVE my mommy groups. They make connecting with local moms in the same areas so easy. There are always play dates to participate in, and if you can’t make it, WE’RE ALL MOMS! Nobody holds it against you!

I have met some local moms that we coordinate free classes with our kids so we see each other every week.

New mom friends is where it’s at. Even if you don’t talk too often, or see each other at play dates, when you see that GIF, or poster that they post on Facebook that sums up your entire being, you know they get you.

 

Sometimes, that’s all we need.

 

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From full-time to SAHM

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I realize that I am not the only one who was transitioned from a full-time worker to a stay at home parent. To be honest, before I was a mother, if anyone ever asked me if I wanted to be a stay at home parent, I probably would have said “no way in hell”. Some days I still feel like that.

I was in the highest position that I could get to in my department at my previous job. After all, I was there for 9 years. I was one of the top people that would always have the answer. I knew this job backward, forward, and with my eyes closed.

Then I got pregnant. The idea of only having 6 weeks with my brand new baby was wearing on me (and my husband) very heavily. The closer I got to having the baby, the more time I decided I was going to take off. My job allowed you to take 1 year off with only 6 weeks paid. My initial plan was to take 6 months off and revisit the idea of daycare. 6 months came and went but we still weren’t comfortable sending our precious, brand new daughter to be taken care of by some stranger.

The amount of daycare horror stories you actually hear about were enough to make up our minds. I would become a full-time stay at home parent. We made the decision that we will again, revisit the idea of daycare, when our daughter is old enough to tell us what is going on.

With that being said, here I am. Someone who was validated daily by the needs of a company and coworkers, now left feeling sometimes inadequate, wondering if I’m doing it all right. Am I doing enough? Does my husband still see me as the independent woman I once was? Did I make the right decision for me?

I take my daughter to 2 free classes a week for socialization and learning. We read at least 30 minutes every day. We do flash cards and coloring, go on outings (Target, park, play dates)… I am never caught up on laundry and I don’t always get to clean, but my daughter’s and husband’s needs stay met. I’d say I am staying afloat.

I am 100% positive that I do not want my baby being raised by someone else. I love being with her every day, teaching her, watching her develop and grow. I love taking care of my husband. I know I made the right decision in that aspect. Even if that leaves me wondering about my own worth.

 

 

My go at network marketing

I am part of a few mommy groups on Facebook and I love them! I found one specifically for my area and was excited to set up a date with a (very) soon-to-be mommy and a mom of a daughter a few months older than my own daughter. Score!

Little did I know, I was sitting prey.

Prey for someone to sell me hope and dreams… That is literally how they refer to themselves, hope dealers.

Here I am being told this story about how I can stay home with my daughter and make money. PERFECT! Right??

I was not interested really, so I talked to my husband about it. Thinking he would say no and I would be rid of this individual that was now stalking me. Some mom-friend, huh?  Problem is, my husband said YES. What?? Really, ok well, I guess I will give it a go.

So the job entailed stalking my friends. Anyone I’ve ever met, really. Ask them to have parties or talk them into joining the business. Not for me. I had a couple friends who just did it as favors but nothing else.

Once I went to my second training, I realized what I was. Just someone making someone else money. No interest in being my friend. I walked into this room full of “coaches” with their teams. I saw some coaches had saved a whole row of seats or area of seats for their teams. Not mine. I walked in, was acknowledged, and then left to sit alone in the back of the room. No “hey my teams sitting over here”, “come sit with us”, nothing.

Here I am sitting alone. I had left my 3 month old daughter with my husband who didn’t know what to do with her for this?? No thank you.

I think I went to maybe one more training after that. A couple of coaching calls that went something like, “you just need to book 17 parties and get 5 new business partners. This is TOTALLY attainable”. Forget this. They say the main reason for failing in this business is because you don’t want to “work”. Correct.

Some people are wildly successful at network marketing. But at a cost. You have shown people that you’re not interested in making friends. You are the person people hide from in the grocery store. The person who gets the ignore button every time you call.

This is why it’s not for me. I am not, nor do I aspire to be that person. Mom friends are hard to come by. I would never want to be the cause of someone feeling the way I have felt in this situation. And I don’t want to lose the friends I do have because I am annoying them to buy stuff. No matter how much I actually like the product.

 You can find my product here.  … The business plan, not for me.

 

Disclaimer: Everything I write is of my own thoughts and opinions. As our society becomes increasingly more sensitive I want to say that my opinions is in no way meant to talk bad about you. Yes, YOU. People take others opinions so much to heart instead of realizing that there will be differing opinions for everything. Please keep in mind that I probably don’t know you. So in now way am I trying to attack you or your way of life.


					

THAT social media mom

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imageBefore I was a parent, I unfollowed my mom friends that posted ONLY photos of their kid. I wondered is this really entertaining to anyone else?? You are clogging up my feed with photos of the same thing, every. single. day. 

I am now that one of those moms.

Being a stay at home/work at home (on weekends) parent, this is what your life revolves around. All day, every day.

I wouldn’t change a thing. I am so proud and elated by the cute, funny, clumsy things that my daughter does every day. Why would I NOT want to share that with the world?!?

Eating something new for lunch? Share it. A cute outfit that will otherwise be unseen because we have no play date or errand today? Share it. A backhanded photo of my clean house (with my daughter in it of course)? Share it…. You get the point.

Its not just the cuteness that we are sharing. It’s our productivity. Our frustration. Our pride. Our DAY. Because let’s face it, we have little to no adult interaction most of our days.

I can be 100% sure that someone out there that used to follow me on social media has unfollowed me since my daughter was born. I don’t care. I didn’t want to share my cute daughter with you, anyway.

I appreciate seeing my friends kids now. Love to see them grow and progress. Becoming a parent for me, is like a connection to the mommy club. I feel like I am somewhat a part of other people’s pregnancies and parenthood.

We’re all all on the same team trying to do our best. Being proud of our bellies or kiddos…

I feel bad for my former kid-free self for not knowing this. Not having such a gift to want to share with the world.

So go ahead an unfollow me. I’ll be over here cheering on my fellow parents while you post drunk selfies in the bathroom.

Introduction

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First things first! Hi, my name is Becky Phillips, formerly Becky Marshall. Recent newly wed and even newer momma. I have worked for the same company a little over 7 years now. I got married 6 months ago to my favorite person in the entire world, and we have a beautiful almost 3 month old daughter. No, we did not get married because I was pregnant. We were already engaged for 6 months when we found out about our special surprise. We have been house hunting for about a year now and it is probably the most grueling process on the planet! I will talk about everything here. Recipe wins and fails, house hunting, being a wife, being a mom and friend all at once, and life. I’ve decided to jump on the blogging bandwagon for something to do while I am home on maternity leave, and to give another outlook on maybe the same thing you’ve read a hundred times.

Helpful home buying tidbits

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imageI have seen so many lists giving tips or advice on buying a home. However, none of them have been helpful or realistic. Having been looking for about a year now, here are some things I have learned:

BUYING A HOME IS STRESSFUL!

Find a broker and decide what price you can be comfortable with. 

We found our broker through a realtor. Some realtors are also brokers so that can cut a step out. However, if you are not happy with your realtor, you’ll end up with a new broker. Remember that selling price is not the only thing that factors your mortgage payment. There are closing costs, property insurance, appraisal and inspection fees. Your broker should be able to ballpark those figures into your buying budget and give you a round about monthly mortgage payment so you can find something you are comfortable with. Also they will help you figure out what type of loan you will be going with.

Learn what is required for your type of loan. 

We went with FHA loan since we are first time homebuyers. You have to put less down on the house, but it has to be move in condition. Newer roof, up to date a/c, and has to pass a separate FHA inspection. Can’t have concrete floors (when carpets been ripped up) unless it is painted. A lot of weird stuff.

Do not feel like you must be loyal to your realtor. 

We are now on our 5th, yes 5th realtor. If the first one you choose isn’t doing anything for you, move on to someone who will. There are TONS of realtors out there. Some, like our first one, are part time and don’t want or know how to work for you. There WILL be a realtor that can show you a house the same day you ask (as long as it isn’t occupied. Then you have to make an appt.) Your realtor should be able to answer your questions and give you a real opinion on what you should offer. They should set up up for automatic emails showing you the MLS on houses that fit what you are looking for and are ok for your loan type.

Realtor.com is the most up to date website.

Zillow and all the others will just let you down. You will find a house that shows active but will already be sold. And make sure to look daily, sometimes more than once a day. New listings can show up at any time.

-Don’t dilly dally.

Found something you’re interested in? Jump on it ASAP. Have your realtor set up an appt ASAP because there is always someone else trying to see it ASAP as well. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve missed out by a day. A DAY!

Learn the lingo.

Active means available. Active with contract means they have someone under contract but are taking back up offers. Pending means under contract.